O U R L I V E S W I L L N E V E R B E T H E S A M E
A challenging and learning year. As I sat reminiscing about the past year I realized how many things I have learned about my life. I like change, purple is still my favorite color, I finally know what I want to do with the rest of my life, a camera is my best friend, I'm not always right, and the Lord ALWAYS has known who/what to put in my life.
It was also a difficult year.. my grandfather passed away, within a month my grandmother passed away, I had surgery, I've been sick most of the year, I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends, there were many fights, and I have been restricted in a variety of ways.
After my grandfather passed away my life seemed to turn upside down. I was challenged in a way I didn't even know existed. My grandpa was the man who supported me on all levels. When my mom said no, he said yes. When everyone else said I couldn't, he said I could. I quickly realized my supporter in my life was gone. When my grandmother passed away, my family was weird. I lived in a house that was sad, and my sadness became even bigger than it was a month before. I had surgery at the beginning of the year, and it was scary. Never again do I want that. I was upset my body looked different and that I was suddenly always sick... One of my best friends stop talking to me, and a variety of others, which made my heart hurt immensely. It seemed to add anger to my hurt. I fought with lots of people because of my hurt, and finally felt restrictions I never felt before.
I then realized on Christmas Eve that my life would not be the same without these things. As I cried about my grandpas death, my heart was happy about what I have learned. My grandpa (even after he has passed away) continued to change/support me for the better. His passing pushed me to learn what I love and dream big. The Lord taught me through this that even though my grandpa's support seemed gone, His was always there. Through this pain I learned to dream. "If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough."
Through all the pain of this past year, I learned to dream. I learned to let go of everything small. To try hard on everything I do. To let things go. Let myself change. ...I learned how to live.
I guess my main message is that this heart (my heart) that was once hardened by sadness and anger changed. It was the time I never thought it would. It wasn't a change that was desired by me, and it wasn't even encouraged. But yet I am thankful with unconditional love.
If I could say my one goal with this next year, it is to live by the saying at the top and bottom of this post. Our lives will never be the same. Because of God our lives won't. If you believe God is your personal savior your life is constantly changing. You have to let Him, it will come at weird times, but your heart will be filled with a happiness.
So, 2012.. my life will never be the same. and I hope I can show you all the ways.
